When I was a kid, I am sure I wasn't alone in assuming that my friends would be my friends forever. Life doesn't turn out like that though does it?! It turns out there are different levels of friends - those who are around forever, those who affect your life forever, those who are Christmas card friends, those who are around briefly with a big affect, and those who are just around briefly.
Turns out though, that I don't seem to have much a say in which type of friend they are. That sucks. I found out last night a university friend is getting married on the weekend. He's someone that at the time I would have said would be a friend forever, and last night made me realise how much I'd lost touch with him and the group of people he was 'in with' who were also close friends. I can't help thinking that if I had never moved back to Southampton, I wouldn't have lost their friendships. The other thought that's majorly in my head is why wasn't I worth the effort by them to stay friends with? It all helps to compound the childhood paranoia I have that nobody wants to be my friend and only put up with me because I impose myself on them, or one of their friends is fool enough to befriend me.
On the honesty thing, I am also sad because I feel other people know my best friend better than I do. Not her fiance - that's right and it doesn't bother me, but other friends. I have lost one person who was unbearable to lose. I can't do it twice, but I don't know how to stop it happening.
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