I feel shitty tonight. Admittedly I have such a bad headache that I'm struggling to focus properly and feel sick, but that's not why I'm low. It's been over a year since I last cut. I've not gone that long since before I started down this path. Sometimes I can't believe I'm the same person, other times I don't think I'm any different at all.
I'm dreading Christmas, I'm trying to be up beat about it to chivvy my family along and to convince them that it will all be fine. Truth is, I wish I could pick up a bottle of vodka and drink myself through from now to January. That's getting me down. I don't know. I'm rambling and I'm grumpy. All I know for sure is that I've not felt an urge like I've felt today for some time. And that's scared me.
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