I have had the most brilliant weekend. I spent Saturday night with most of the people who mean more to me than anyone else in the entire world. They are the most incredible group of friends I could wish for. We laugh together, cry together, have learnt together, and play together. In varying degrees of time, we've grown up together. These people know me pretty much entirely, and amazingly are still there! I have more to thank them for - each one of them in different ways - than I would ever be able to really explain.
The weekend was only marred by the floods of tears that my poor Mum had to deal with on Sunday afternoon! In short, I had the blues big style (plus I was tired, hungover and PMT-ing, not a good combination!). My very best friend, Jenn, and her lovely husband came down for this weekend especially for the party. Jenn has lived in a different place to me since the end of uni, 6 years now. Every time she's down and I have to say goodbye it makes me well up. I hate that she's so far away, that I can't pop round for a random cuppa or to borrow a book or something. Carl is currently home for ten days from uni in Scarborough: Scarborough FFS!! Can you get much further away from Southampton?? I couldn't be happier for him that he's in uni there and doing his thing. But dropping him at his parents house yesterday and saying "see you at Christmas" when it's only the summer holidays felt like a kick in the guts.
My Mum had just managed to ebb the flow of tears, when I started all over again, starting with me saying "everybody leaves me Mum, why does nobody want to be near me?"! I know! I proceeded to cry over Tom my Infant School boyfriend who left for another school, Bethan my friend from Infants who moved back to Chepstow, and beautiful Sophie who left me in year five to go to South Africa (okay, so there are places further away than Scarborough!). In fairness, Soph did return but lives in Manchester which is still far too far away.
It's the feeling of being left behind that's so hard to handle. That they can come home to us, but then they leave and go back to friends up there. I'm left here with a gaping hole where one of my best friends should be stood.
Today I have found more perspective on the situation. In an ideal world, my friends would all live within about 10 miles of me. But I know that's an unrealistic, and rather selfish, wish. I have to concentrate instead on how good it is when we are together, and that although there may be many many miles between us, we are always close to each other.
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