I Close My Eyes, And This Is Yesterday

In the middle of another bout of insomnia last weekend I decided to flick through my old diaries. I kept diaries on and off throughout my childhood for a couple of months at a time. But since I was around sixteen I've pretty much consistently kept a diary, although I've been very lax at writing in it for the last couple of years. Maybe that's something to do with my ability to handle depression and things better than before. I don't know. In some parts it was like I was reading something I could have written a month ago, other times it was like reading the thoughts of a stranger.
I don't just have written entries in my diaries, they also contain tickets to things, odd photo's, poems, emails, lists of favourite things. I found a poem that someone who meant a huge amount to me in college wrote. It made me get back in touch with him which has been lovely. He's as funny and charming as I remember him to be, with a little tinge of something else, maybe it's experience or heartbreak - I'm not entirely sure yet.
Rightly or wrongly I am generally very emotion led. I always have been. I feel things and react without thinking them through. I hadn't realised until looking back through my diaries just how emotion led I was as a teenager. Although I still react on emotions, I have learnt to be a bit more rational about things. I guess I've managed to stop bouncing off the walls quite so very much!
One entry that brought tears to my eyes was after my 21st birthday. I was recounting a conversation I had with G that night. He said to me that he loved me and that I could always rely on him no matter where he was or what he was doing because I'd always be important in his life. I was in tears for the girl who wrote that entry. For the girl that believed those magical words and was let down by him. If I could say one thing to him today for that girl, I would thank him bizarrely enough. I'd thank him for giving me hope and faith, and helping me feel like I wouldn't walk the path of my life alone.