And When I'm Lost And Torn, A Soldier Of Orange, I.

Today is National Self Injury Awareness Day. Apparently. According to the facebook page you can become a 'fan' of (seriously, wtf, become a fan of being aware that people intentionally injure themselves??), you're meant to wear a different colour according to your involvement with all things self-injury related. It says you have to wear orange (only on 1st March, I don't mean everyday here) if you do cut or burn (etc etc) yourself, orange and white if you have but you're in 'recovery' and just white if you're supportive of people who do self injure. So my question is, when you do you go from orange to orange and white?
It's been a while since I last cut. I can't tell you exactly when the last time was. Which probably means something, because I used to be able to tell you in days when it was. I'm now trying to do the maths. I can remember recent times I've wanted to. In the spirit of honesty, the most recent thought was this afternoon, the most time I had an argument with myself about it was last night. The last time the pain within was so bad I had to reach out to a good friend with the tears rolling as I text them was several months ago.
So does that make me orange because I wanted to do it, or orange and white because I wanted to but didn't? When does an SI-er become a recovering SI-er? For me these labels aren't a good idea. If I say I'm orange, then I feel like I'm giving in to it, and making it more of a part of my life than it is or needs to be. If I say I'm orange and white, then the pressure to stay there is immense, and the more the pressure to not do it, the more an issue it becomes.
I'm not going to make a conscious effort to wear orange or orange and white or white on 1st March. It's something I'm painfully aware of every time I look at my arms, or my belly or my chest or my ankle or my hand. It's not something I am only aware of one day a year. I wish it were, it would make life much easier!
If it brings comfort or help or support to other people. Or perhaps more importantly understanding to people who think it's some stupid thing teenagers do when playing up, then great. But it's not for me.