Running Up That Hill

I've made a decision. It is a decision that hundreds of people make every day, and something I've wanted to do for a long time, but never had the courage to do. I'm going to join a gym. The reason I've been too scared to join one is because of the judgement and disgust I imagine the instructors would have about me. I've spent so long being ashamed, but the idea of seeing that judgement I have of myself reflected in someone elses eyes has been too much for me to face. Only now things are beginning to change. I still have a long way to go, but the five stone I've lost so far is beginning the stirrings of confidence somewhere within. I feel like if I do see that judgement I'm expecting in their eyes, then I can counter it with 'fuck off, I'm doing really well' - even if I just say it in my head. I'm getting my life back, as I've said before, and this is my next step. Only this time, it's a really big, and pretty scary step.