I Know It Sounds Absurd, But Please Tell Me Who I Am

I was going to write something profound for my hundredth blog entry.  But this is 101 so clearly I missed that.  Perhaps that's profound in itself..... Anyway....  When I started this blog on 15 November 2007 I didn't know what to put in a blog, how to write it, how often to write it, or the point in writing it.  Two years and four months on I've found my answers: I write what I want, however I want, whenever I want and the point of it being because I want or need to write things down.  Writing has always been an incredibly cathartic process for me - poetry, diary entries, short stories, letters that I have no intention of sending - and blog entries can now be added to that list.  It's a different style of writing, a different style of being honest to the world and to explore my head and my heart.  On some occasions I've been able to be more open and honest on here than I have face-to-face with people.  And maybe that's because some things are too hard to say to people.  Or because I literally can't say it to people - those who are no longer part of my life, or part of this world. 
In some ways I made a rod for my own back with this blog by calling it 'telling the truth'.  I guess I felt it was time to face myself and my life and figure out what my truth actually is.  Little did I know where that journey would take me.  Little do I know where that journey will continue to take me. 
One thing continues to puzzle me though with my blog.  And that is that people who don't know me from Adam 'follow' it.  I don't understand why really.  That's probably part of my not understanding why people would want to be my friends thing coming through.  But really though?  What's so interesting about what I have to say that people actually want to read it?
So to update entry number one from 15 November 2007, I still work a generic job surrounded by a suffocating abyss of polyester nothingness.  But I only work that job 2 days a week.  The other 3 days I get to do what makes me feel alive.  It makes me feel like I'm finally making a difference to this world, that my life has a meaning and that I won't leave this world without having made an impression on it.  Okay so it's not an impression that is going to be on history curriculums in a hundred or two hundred or three hundred years time.  And that's okay with me, because I know that thanks to me in my role as Youth Worker there is a young person alive in this world that wouldn't be without the help and support I gave them.  Pretty humbling really, knowing that.
So two years and four months on am I happy?  Is life still tough?  I could go with my default depressive stance and say the answers are 'no' and 'yes'.  That wouldn't be true though.  Am I happy?  Not all the time, probably not even most of the time.  But yes, I do have moments when I can put my hand on my heart and say I'm truly happy.  And that feeling takes my breath away.  Is life still tough?  Sure, but I think it always will be.  I'm okay with that though, because like the happiness thing fluctuates, so does the toughness.  It's getting easier, or maybe it's just getting easier to handle.  Either way, life doesn't seem quite so much the effort it was 100 blog entries ago.