Friday night I did something I've never done before. It's something millions of people do every day and don't think twice about, but for me it was a really big deal. It was my work Christmas do (or rather one of my work Christmas do's), and I wore a strapless top. That's it. That's the major thing I did for the first time in my life. I wouldn't have done it a year ago, or even six months ago. I'd have felt far too self conscious and insecure to even consider it. Getting my five stone award at Slimming World has made so much difference though. I am beginning to feel freer, to feel younger, and most importantly to feel happier. I've still got a really long way to go, but I feel like it's achievable now. I'm feeling the benefits so much already, that now I'm not scared of looking to my target. It doesn't feel so huge or unobtainable any more. It feels exciting and rewarding. I don't think I'm becoming a different person, I think I'm rediscovering the person inside. The girl who can wear a strapless top and heels and hold her head up high, dance and laugh like nothing in the world can touch me. It's a magic place to be, and one that will continue to get brighter and happier as I continue this journey of weight loss and healing.
I say weight loss and healing, because that's what I'm doing, I'm healing myself. For the first time in my life I realised and accepted this year that I've got/had (?) an eating disorder. Wow, that's the first time I've ever typed those words in relation to myself. Big deep breath.... That's pretty exhilarating actually. Knowing I've got to a place where not only can I say it to myself, but I can write it for the world to see. And each time I say it to someone, or hold onto it when I'm in a bad place, that eating disorder gets smaller and less powerful. That massive snake with its hypnotising eyes is losing it's hold on me.
I'm getting me back, and I love it. Watch out world, I'm on my way back!
