What's in a name?

One of my volunteer jobs is as a group therapist for transgender people who are in their transition from one gender to another.  There seems to be a choice made by the group members in terms of names - either to go for one rather distinctive and flamboyant or something that is the complete epitome of 'normal'.  I guess that's got something to do with those wanting to just fit in and pass happily as their destination gender, or those embracing the 'trans' and enjoying the fact they get to create who they are and what they are.
This led on to a conversation with Mum about my name.  It's an unusual name, I've heard of a couple of other people with my name but have never met anyone face to face.  I hated it through school life - it was a source of teasing and bullying, it was mispronounced by teachers and pupils, and was just too odd when coupled with a distinctive surname and being someone who wanted to blend into the background.  Since 16 I've introduced myself with a shortened version of it - nobody in my professional life identifies me as anything else, and for the most part they don't know my full name.  And I like that, I like that I have part of my life which is separate and not impinged on my work.
Last weekend I had some new friends come to stay, and although the first time they met me was this time last year, they know me as my full name because they met me through an old friend.  I actually loved that they called me my proper name.  I loved the sense of familiarity it gave, and how comfortable I felt with them as a result - that obviously has a lot to do with that they are beautiful people, but it's more than that, it's a follow through of the person we have in common and everything that I feel in terms of him and our friendship.  I'd not thought before if I feel different to people who know me as full name instead of part name.  Maybe it's because there's a distinction of the fact that largely they are pre or post the school/college divide.  I'm not sure.  My part name is something about me beginning to find who I am in the world and creating my own sense of identity.  My changing attitude towards my full name may be indicative of my personal journey - that having run away from me and trying to make a new me, I've learnt to accept the me I am and to build on that instead.  I don't want to cut off the person who identifies to my full name, I'm embracing her instead.
I always liked the idea of changing my name - having something really bohemian and out there - Skylark or something equally as bizarre.  But actually, right here right now, I'm beginning to embrace my name again and everything it does and doesn't stand for.  I wouldn't change it for anything.

For the last 10 years on 12th February I've bought a bunch of flowers.  I didn't today.  I feel awful for that. Eleven years ago today my grandma died, she loved flowers so much, so each year I buy a bunch of flowers in her memory.  Except not this year.  I remembered a couple of days ago, and then remembered an hour ago so ran to the village shops to get some, but they didn't have any.  I feel like I've let her down, I feel sad in my heart.