.. & I miss you, like the deserts miss the rain
I don't know if I'm alone in this, but I find it very hard to leave people, and feelings for them, in the past. Last night I dreamt about someone who shall be known as Aardvark. People with good memories may know who I am talking about. I recently found him on Facebook and have chattered with him on a very light level. Last night I dreamed he was spending Christmas with me and my family, and after studiously avoiding him for some time, we ended up kissing. That was all, it was all very innocent. Me and Aardvark had a bit of a thing almost ten years ago now, and muddled in with a boundary-less relationship was a good friendship. I'm not saying I still harbour feelings for him: that would be weird. Rather, I get a bit maudlin when I think of him, and dreaming of him reminds me of something happy and fun which is in my past. I don't know if I want it in my present, but I don't know that I'm ready to confine it to the history books. I guess I want to know whether or not I should go back over old ground, or whether to let sleeping dogs lie....
Body Art
A few weeks ago I finally got around to getting a new tattoo done. It's beautiful, I love it to pieces. The trouble is that I feel like I've opened up the proverbial flood gates now though! I want another... and another... and another... you get the idea! I would be happy to get them all (I have at least the next 3 planned) except this one cost £65 and I am completely brassic at the moment. I do wonder though, if I get another and another and another, am I ever going to be satiated? I don't want to end up covered in them, and am quite picky in that I want them all black - I think having odd 5 or more coloured ones dotted around could look untidy, but plain black I think would look cool. I have such an addictive personality though: I couldn't just get my ears pierced, I had to get them done 4 times, my tragus, nose and nipple too. I can't drink one pint, I drink six. I can't buy one CD, I buy hundreds. Literally. Self control isn't something that I'm good at. I think I may be in trouble!
Moral Dilemma
Is it wrong to spend £300 on a bag, even when it's this pretty?
http://www.purseblog.com/clutches/jimmy-choo-face-clutch/
http://www.purseblog.com/clutches/jimmy-choo-face-clutch/
It's Raining, It's Pouring
It seems like a lot of my friends are struggling with one trouble or another at the moment, and I don't really know what I can do to make things easier for them. I like to be able to help resolve situations with people. but there's not a lot I can do for any of them at the moment. I hate feeling usless - I want to ease their discomfort but for now all I can really do is be there for them. So for all my friends out there who are hurting at the moment, I am thinking happy thoughts for you and hoping that something wonderful will happen to you soon.
Easy Come, [Not] Easy Go
When I was a kid, I am sure I wasn't alone in assuming that my friends would be my friends forever. Life doesn't turn out like that though does it?! It turns out there are different levels of friends - those who are around forever, those who affect your life forever, those who are Christmas card friends, those who are around briefly with a big affect, and those who are just around briefly.
Turns out though, that I don't seem to have much a say in which type of friend they are. That sucks. I found out last night a university friend is getting married on the weekend. He's someone that at the time I would have said would be a friend forever, and last night made me realise how much I'd lost touch with him and the group of people he was 'in with' who were also close friends. I can't help thinking that if I had never moved back to Southampton, I wouldn't have lost their friendships. The other thought that's majorly in my head is why wasn't I worth the effort by them to stay friends with? It all helps to compound the childhood paranoia I have that nobody wants to be my friend and only put up with me because I impose myself on them, or one of their friends is fool enough to befriend me.
On the honesty thing, I am also sad because I feel other people know my best friend better than I do. Not her fiance - that's right and it doesn't bother me, but other friends. I have lost one person who was unbearable to lose. I can't do it twice, but I don't know how to stop it happening.
Turns out though, that I don't seem to have much a say in which type of friend they are. That sucks. I found out last night a university friend is getting married on the weekend. He's someone that at the time I would have said would be a friend forever, and last night made me realise how much I'd lost touch with him and the group of people he was 'in with' who were also close friends. I can't help thinking that if I had never moved back to Southampton, I wouldn't have lost their friendships. The other thought that's majorly in my head is why wasn't I worth the effort by them to stay friends with? It all helps to compound the childhood paranoia I have that nobody wants to be my friend and only put up with me because I impose myself on them, or one of their friends is fool enough to befriend me.
On the honesty thing, I am also sad because I feel other people know my best friend better than I do. Not her fiance - that's right and it doesn't bother me, but other friends. I have lost one person who was unbearable to lose. I can't do it twice, but I don't know how to stop it happening.
Life Quiz
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Nope. My name was pretty much the only name mum and dad both liked which also Dad couldn't link to anyone he'd taught.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Monday when I kicked the sink!
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
From a distance I do, but close up it's a mess.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT?
Technically it's not lunch meat, but I love fresh prawns in marie rose sauce in my sarnies!
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
God no, and never will. I just want my friends to have them so I can play with theirs instead!
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Horrid question, can't answer.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Always.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS
Yes
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Not ever. I'd snap the bungee.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL?
Frosties are always good!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Nope.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Mentally more so than I used to be. But that's not hard really!
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM?
Pralines and cream.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their smile.
15. RED OR PINK?
Red
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOU?
My paranoia and self doubt.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Jenn
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
Of course!
19. WHAT COLOUR TROUSERS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Black trousers, brownish flipflops (due to kicking the sink and damaging my toes!)
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Nature Valley Granola Bar
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Donna talking about her beautiful new baby neice.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE?
Like a matt and opaque green.
23. FAVOURITE SMELLS?
My mums fabric conditioner.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My mum.
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS?
She's okay - I put up with her! Joking, I love her to pieces.
26. FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Rugby of course
27. HAIR COLOUR?
Today? Well the base colour is a brown/black/purple and it's highlighted through with bleach and bright red. Sound hideous but is nice, honest!
28. EYE COLOUR?
Blue, today.
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Yes, and coloured ones, hence the above answer.
30. FAVOURITE FOOD?
A recipe I've recently discovered for garlic and thyme chicken with potato.
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Practical Magic - brilliant!
33. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Green.
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Autumn! Out of those two though, I'd say winter.
35. HUGS OR KISSES?
hugs
36. FAVOURITE DESSERT?
Grans crumble, can't beat it!
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Donna. She's good at these things.
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Jenn, she's already done it and I'm sending this back to her.
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING?
The Interpretation of Murder, finally
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
It's plain blue with a bit of doodling on it.
41. WHAT DID YOU WAtCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
Come Dine With Me. Brilliant show.
42. FAVOURITE SOUND?
The wind and rain battering my window when I'm curled up inside.
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Can I not have both?
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
New Jersey probably. Or Florida. Somewhere in America.
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I've been told I'm a pretty good counsellor
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Winchester Hospital
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
All of them!
48. WHAT TIME IS IT NOW?
8.35 am
Nope. My name was pretty much the only name mum and dad both liked which also Dad couldn't link to anyone he'd taught.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Monday when I kicked the sink!
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
From a distance I do, but close up it's a mess.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT?
Technically it's not lunch meat, but I love fresh prawns in marie rose sauce in my sarnies!
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
God no, and never will. I just want my friends to have them so I can play with theirs instead!
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Horrid question, can't answer.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Always.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS
Yes
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Not ever. I'd snap the bungee.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL?
Frosties are always good!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Nope.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Mentally more so than I used to be. But that's not hard really!
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM?
Pralines and cream.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their smile.
15. RED OR PINK?
Red
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOU?
My paranoia and self doubt.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Jenn
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
Of course!
19. WHAT COLOUR TROUSERS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Black trousers, brownish flipflops (due to kicking the sink and damaging my toes!)
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Nature Valley Granola Bar
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Donna talking about her beautiful new baby neice.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE?
Like a matt and opaque green.
23. FAVOURITE SMELLS?
My mums fabric conditioner.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My mum.
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS?
She's okay - I put up with her! Joking, I love her to pieces.
26. FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Rugby of course
27. HAIR COLOUR?
Today? Well the base colour is a brown/black/purple and it's highlighted through with bleach and bright red. Sound hideous but is nice, honest!
28. EYE COLOUR?
Blue, today.
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Yes, and coloured ones, hence the above answer.
30. FAVOURITE FOOD?
A recipe I've recently discovered for garlic and thyme chicken with potato.
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Practical Magic - brilliant!
33. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Green.
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Autumn! Out of those two though, I'd say winter.
35. HUGS OR KISSES?
hugs
36. FAVOURITE DESSERT?
Grans crumble, can't beat it!
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Donna. She's good at these things.
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Jenn, she's already done it and I'm sending this back to her.
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING?
The Interpretation of Murder, finally
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
It's plain blue with a bit of doodling on it.
41. WHAT DID YOU WAtCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
Come Dine With Me. Brilliant show.
42. FAVOURITE SOUND?
The wind and rain battering my window when I'm curled up inside.
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Can I not have both?
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
New Jersey probably. Or Florida. Somewhere in America.
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I've been told I'm a pretty good counsellor
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Winchester Hospital
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
All of them!
48. WHAT TIME IS IT NOW?
8.35 am
I Want To Be A Rockstar
Yesterday I read Jenn's entry about her secret dreams and desires she has in her life. Some of them sounded very similar to mine, others very different. It inspired to me write my list, so here it is:
1). Build my A-shape home (and have it be on Grand Designs - but unlike most people on that programme I will have curtains!!!!). I have reams of pieces of paper from when I was a kid with various styles of houses on them that I designed. Not all of them were master pieces, but would definately have been fun to live in.
2). Get a nobel prize for voluntary services to the youth of Southampton. I'm not doing all this volunteer work for the good of my health people!
That one's a joke. I got a certificate and photo in the paper with the Mayor of Southampton for my voluntary work and hated every minute of it.
I would like to have a Nobel prize though, maybe for my poetry!
3). Own my own therapy centre and youth advisory centre. Money makes this a bit tough. That and the fact that I have no business sense.
4). Be living in Cardiff..... it's only a matter of time now though.
5). Go to Machu Pichu. One day.
6). Be in a band. Or more specifically, be a drummer in a band. I love my guitar, but it's such a hassle learning how to play it, and although I have been diligently learning to replay the piano, it's not very rock and roll.
7). Get more tattoo's. I've been carrying around with me a design Carly made for me for 18 months now and still have not got it done. I seem to keep forgetting to go in and get them done!
1). Build my A-shape home (and have it be on Grand Designs - but unlike most people on that programme I will have curtains!!!!). I have reams of pieces of paper from when I was a kid with various styles of houses on them that I designed. Not all of them were master pieces, but would definately have been fun to live in.
2). Get a nobel prize for voluntary services to the youth of Southampton. I'm not doing all this volunteer work for the good of my health people!
That one's a joke. I got a certificate and photo in the paper with the Mayor of Southampton for my voluntary work and hated every minute of it.
I would like to have a Nobel prize though, maybe for my poetry!
3). Own my own therapy centre and youth advisory centre. Money makes this a bit tough. That and the fact that I have no business sense.
4). Be living in Cardiff..... it's only a matter of time now though.
5). Go to Machu Pichu. One day.
6). Be in a band. Or more specifically, be a drummer in a band. I love my guitar, but it's such a hassle learning how to play it, and although I have been diligently learning to replay the piano, it's not very rock and roll.
7). Get more tattoo's. I've been carrying around with me a design Carly made for me for 18 months now and still have not got it done. I seem to keep forgetting to go in and get them done!
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