These past few days I've spent a lot of time chatting with some friends about their feelings, and about mine. All completely different issues, and I've no intention on disclosing any of them; those are not my stories to tell. Mine I may tell another day..
The thing all four of us have in common is 'over thinking'. Is over thinking the curse of my generation? Have we been educated, and saturated by communication so much that we now cannot make a rational response and go with it? When did we lose our gut instinct? If our stone-age ancestors over thought things the way we do, they would have starved to death long before they'd made a decision on what animal to hunt, what spear to use, who to share it all with and what it all means by doing it.
I over think. I then realise I'm over thinking. And over think why I'm over thinking things. I can't switch it off. It's like I'm hosting an alien in my brain that lives on thoughts that I have to keep churning out for it to survive. RIght now I'm trying not to think too much about why I've not had a text back - are they fed up with me? Have they finally decided they can't be nice any more and really it's time to just ignore me in hopes I'll go away. I think I've now moved into neurosis and paranoia...
Back to over thinking. I'm trying to be more spontaneous. Obviously a certain degree of thinking is sensible, often it's essential. But over thinking cripples. It's held me in a limbo state for a long time. Stopped me from experiencing things and going for what I want in life. Actually. That's bollocks. If I'm getting anywhere with this, I need to be honest. I've allowed myself to over think, and then used that myself from experiencing things and going for what I want in life. Nobody's over thinking things for me, it's me doing it.
Perhaps we're not doing enough of that stuff our ancestors used to face every day. Perhaps we've allowed life to get too safe and mundane. And anything that threatens that placidity is so alien that we analyse it to the millionth degree. Perhaps we need a metaphorical woolly mammoth or something to face every day. If you survive that then hell, telling someone you love them or moving or starting a new career, or whatever you're over thinking at this moment, seems a hell of a lot of a less scary task and needs a whole lot less thinking about.
I can't promise to change over night. I know I'm idealistic and can be naive, but I'm not stupid. I can promise to engender that change in myself though. And maybe by me doing it, I can figure the path to be able to help my three over thinkers to a mind less noisy too.
PS, yes, the title of this is Taylor Swift lyrics!
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