So Jenn, Omar, Rob and I decided to create an eleven track CD that is made up of our 'new favourite songs' and then send them out to each other. They didn't have to be newly released, or new to our collections, but they had to be newly loved - and only one from an artist or band. Omar and I stuck to the rules (!) and posted ours on the deadline; Jenn and Rob not so much... Which actually is a good thing, because I didn't have to pick which one to start with, or rush through one to start another. Every cloud and all that!
Here's what I thought of Omar's contribution to the exercise:
1. Unity - Orkidea Not a great place to start really since I can't remember anything about this song. Which probably says a lot about what I thought of it!
2. Baptism - Crystal Castles Chaotic and messy in a very good way. The background sounded like the kind of stuff my lovely lovely friend Laura would have listened to.
3. Tell 'Em - Sleigh Bells Had a good, promising start. Turned out even more chaotic and messy than the track before. The only downside was the singers completely hideous voice (in my opinion). Overall it had kind of a post-apocalyptic vibe going on that I liked.
4. Ready To Start - Arcade Fire I always thought I didn't like Arcade Fire. Turns out I'm just a bit left cold by their music really. To begin it felt nice and inoffensive but did nothing to set my world alight. The tension built up as it went on and dragged my attention back, but just as I thought it was getting somewhere it stopped.
5. Automatic - Yuck Two words: simple, beautiful.
6. Knee Play 5 - Phillip Glass The counting part at the start almost had me skipping this track. Which would have been a mistake. The preacher style speech over soft music is gorgeous. Best track on the album so far.
7. Dance The Way I Feel - Ou Est Le Swimming Pool I really really wanted to love this because of the name of the song and the band. I like the lyrics and the notion of dancing how I feel, but the music itself didn't hit me really on any emotional levels.
8. Everyone Chooses Sides - The Wrens This song feels like a sunny afternoon in a park with mates. It's kinda brit-poppy and the singer has a nasally twang reminiscent of Damon Albarn. I like this.
9. Everything I Build - The Stills Occasionally there are bits of this song that are a bit psychedelic and Pink Floyd esque. Small parts, and not enough to make me love it. It felt very bleak lyric-wise.
10. Love Lust - King Charles It's not something I'd usually listen to, but I'm really glad I did. It's a quirky track, and just as I was thinking I wanted it to do something more, it did!
11. 1440 - Olagur Arnalds This is the only track on the album I've heard before. I loved it before, and I love it as much, if not more now. It's beautiful and bleak, uplifting and devastating, heartbreaking and hopeful all at once.
As and when I receive the others, I shall blog about them too...
I Can't Get No Satisfaction
Then when I got trained as a counsellor and got my paid job at No Limits, that wish to help one person didn't satisfy me enough. I'd done that already. It's a pretty humbling feeling to know that there are people living a happier life because of me. That also sounds immensely big headed, which is something that can very very rarely ever be said about me. So my dream changed to helping many instead.
Only now that's not enough either. A colleague of mine has a very very poorly little boy who has respite stays in Naomi House in Winchester. He does as much as he can to raise money for them to compensate in some way for the support and respite the whole family gets from his boys stays there. So a few months ago I decided to do something to help too. I have a few musical connections, so decided to put on a charity gig night. The Great Sojourn, A.dam A.sun.der and The Tiny Eyes have all been incredibly generous and offered their services for free. I have another potential band, but they're on a bit of a hiatus at the moment, so I'm not too hopeful they'll be available. The stumbling block has been the venue though. Given that I'd do as much as I can for charities, in my naivety I assumed others would to. I've contacted pretty much every venue I can think of in Southampton and Winchester to put on this gig and only one has been really supportive in their response. Unfortunately due to timetabling issues, that venue's not going to work out.
So now I'm trying to figure out whether to go around them all and beg them face to face for their support. Or to give up and change the type of venue I'm trying for, to something like a hall instead. Which isn't ideal by a long shot, but potentially easier to pull off. If I do that, it will take place and will make some money for an incredible cause. But I won't be satisfied with it. It won't be what I want it to be. So do I settle or do I strive for more for my own satisfaction?
And if I pull that off, then what do I do next? What can I use to fill this need I have to justify my existence in this world? And is it ever going to be a satisfying answer to say that I am the reason for my existence?
All My Best Friends Are Metalheads
There was an article in Style Magazine with The Sunday Times today that is about understanding the subcultures of today's young people. It's an interesting article all round, but, as someone who wrote their a-level Sociology dissertation on the affects of subcultures on the youth, I would have liked it to be a bit more in depth.
The topic in general fascinates me, and I intend to blog about that more in future. Today I'm focusing in on the section titled 'Metalhead'. I think metalheads get a bit of a raw deal. But then I would say that, since if I had to pick a subculture label for myself, it would be that one. It was only a short piece, so this is it transcribed:
The Look: Heavy-metal T-shirts, skinny black jeans, black leather, Dr Martens and tattoos (roses, skulls angels, and, erm, machinery), plus black lips, eyes and nails and an Alice Dellal-style shaved head are now passable in polite circles. A deeper immersion includes corseted Victorian Gothic gowns (restraint is big - for girls and boys) and DIY dresses customised with punk studs, chains, crucifixes and band logos. Also silver jewellery, depicting animals and fairies, preferably attached to the metalhead's many piercings.
The Back Story: Metal has grown up - no longer is it about adolescents enjoying alienation and violent fan clashes. Bands and fans have become softer (and more female).
The Music: Alice Cooper, Metallica, Marilyn Manson, Ozzy Osbourne. Moshing has been all but outlawed, though the boys still head bang to show off their long hair.
The Attitude: They're still angry, though not at us, but at social issues such as racism and poverty.
The Lifestyle: Instead of drink, drugs and fights, metalheads now have successful relationships and careers (and not only as tattooists). Their dark side takes them from philosophy and Freud to poetry and art (they even design their own tats).
The No-Nos: Pink frosting.
Quote: VJ, 27, says "It's easy to make us cry - we need this mask of protection."
Much of this resonated with me strongly. I felt a strange sense of acceptance when I read this. Like it's finally been confirmed that being a metalhead is a legitimate subculture in today's patchwork quilt of subcultures that creates our thankfully varied society. I've felt for sometime now a pressure to 'grow out' of this 'phase', but haven't wanted to. It's a subculture that helped me make sense of who I am, it gave me an identity and a sense of belonging when I felt most cut adrift from both myself and the world around me. Although I know I'm much much more than the subculture I mostly identify with, and labels are largely very destructive, it's a label I've not wanted to give up.
Having said that though, I have often found myself apologising for it. If people ask about my music taste my response is often along the lines of "If I had to pick just one type of music, then I'm really sorry but my first love is metal". Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed of being a metal fan, I'd defend the merits of the genre to my dying breath. But rather, I'm apologising for still identifying so much with metalhead-ism if that makes sense. Largely because I think people think of it as being a subculture for long haired 17 year old boys.
This article took me out of my own paranoid view on how people see me though. It declares that us metalheads may have tattoo's (check), piercings (check), a penchant for silver jewellery (check) and chains (check), but we also have careers (check) and are passionately unwilling to accept injustice in this world (check). So if that's what being a metalhead is comprised of, then I'm fucking proud to say I am one.
The topic in general fascinates me, and I intend to blog about that more in future. Today I'm focusing in on the section titled 'Metalhead'. I think metalheads get a bit of a raw deal. But then I would say that, since if I had to pick a subculture label for myself, it would be that one. It was only a short piece, so this is it transcribed:
The Look: Heavy-metal T-shirts, skinny black jeans, black leather, Dr Martens and tattoos (roses, skulls angels, and, erm, machinery), plus black lips, eyes and nails and an Alice Dellal-style shaved head are now passable in polite circles. A deeper immersion includes corseted Victorian Gothic gowns (restraint is big - for girls and boys) and DIY dresses customised with punk studs, chains, crucifixes and band logos. Also silver jewellery, depicting animals and fairies, preferably attached to the metalhead's many piercings.
The Back Story: Metal has grown up - no longer is it about adolescents enjoying alienation and violent fan clashes. Bands and fans have become softer (and more female).
The Music: Alice Cooper, Metallica, Marilyn Manson, Ozzy Osbourne. Moshing has been all but outlawed, though the boys still head bang to show off their long hair.
The Attitude: They're still angry, though not at us, but at social issues such as racism and poverty.
The Lifestyle: Instead of drink, drugs and fights, metalheads now have successful relationships and careers (and not only as tattooists). Their dark side takes them from philosophy and Freud to poetry and art (they even design their own tats).
The No-Nos: Pink frosting.
Quote: VJ, 27, says "It's easy to make us cry - we need this mask of protection."
Much of this resonated with me strongly. I felt a strange sense of acceptance when I read this. Like it's finally been confirmed that being a metalhead is a legitimate subculture in today's patchwork quilt of subcultures that creates our thankfully varied society. I've felt for sometime now a pressure to 'grow out' of this 'phase', but haven't wanted to. It's a subculture that helped me make sense of who I am, it gave me an identity and a sense of belonging when I felt most cut adrift from both myself and the world around me. Although I know I'm much much more than the subculture I mostly identify with, and labels are largely very destructive, it's a label I've not wanted to give up.
Having said that though, I have often found myself apologising for it. If people ask about my music taste my response is often along the lines of "If I had to pick just one type of music, then I'm really sorry but my first love is metal". Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed of being a metal fan, I'd defend the merits of the genre to my dying breath. But rather, I'm apologising for still identifying so much with metalhead-ism if that makes sense. Largely because I think people think of it as being a subculture for long haired 17 year old boys.
This article took me out of my own paranoid view on how people see me though. It declares that us metalheads may have tattoo's (check), piercings (check), a penchant for silver jewellery (check) and chains (check), but we also have careers (check) and are passionately unwilling to accept injustice in this world (check). So if that's what being a metalhead is comprised of, then I'm fucking proud to say I am one.
The Bruise Left Round Your Heart, Left You Begging For More
Funeral For A Friend
Solus, Cardiff University Students Union, Cardiff
22 July 2010
Surrounded by sweaty, long haired guys and girls with Bridgend's finest emo-rockers creating a multi-sensory musical atmosphere, I felt slightly like I'd entered the twilight zone. This is because last time I was in there was 7 years ago, and was likely to have been at Drink The Bar Dry - eleven solid hours of drinking accompanied by my amazing uni friends and hundreds of other randoms to a cheesy mix of seventies, eighties and nineties classics. So to say it was odd to be in Solus (which literally hasn't changed one bit), with someone who I didn't go to uni with to see a metal band is a gross understatement.
The night was one of two special gigs put on to say farewell to their fantastically talented guitarist, Darran Smith who was leaving the band after nine years. 'Shuffle' buttons on things like ipod's bug me because I'm a big believer in listening to a complete album as it's been made as a piece of musical art for a reason. This gig didn't use a shuffle button on their greatest hits, but instead played the whole of Casually Dressed And Deep In Conversation, followed by an encore of other classics.
Casually Dressed is my favourite FFAF album, and on the shortlist for my favourite ever album, and hearing it played loud in it's complete state was awesome. I've not had the luck to see FFAF before, but I imagine they always play with tenacity and a huge sense of passion: they certainly did this time. They were alive, and the crowd responded, mirroring the passion and the shared revelry for the soon-to-depart Darran.
The night was a reminder that albums don't have to include those typical 'album filler' tracks - they can be created completely of single quality songs, it just takes time and talent. Each song was fantastic, there wasn't one moment when I thought it was a track they should have skipped.
It was a magical night: having the opportunity to hear live one of my most beloved albums was an incredible experience. Thank you Darran Smith, for being part of a band that left bruises round my heart, and left me begging for more.
Solus, Cardiff University Students Union, Cardiff
22 July 2010
Surrounded by sweaty, long haired guys and girls with Bridgend's finest emo-rockers creating a multi-sensory musical atmosphere, I felt slightly like I'd entered the twilight zone. This is because last time I was in there was 7 years ago, and was likely to have been at Drink The Bar Dry - eleven solid hours of drinking accompanied by my amazing uni friends and hundreds of other randoms to a cheesy mix of seventies, eighties and nineties classics. So to say it was odd to be in Solus (which literally hasn't changed one bit), with someone who I didn't go to uni with to see a metal band is a gross understatement.
The night was one of two special gigs put on to say farewell to their fantastically talented guitarist, Darran Smith who was leaving the band after nine years. 'Shuffle' buttons on things like ipod's bug me because I'm a big believer in listening to a complete album as it's been made as a piece of musical art for a reason. This gig didn't use a shuffle button on their greatest hits, but instead played the whole of Casually Dressed And Deep In Conversation, followed by an encore of other classics.
Casually Dressed is my favourite FFAF album, and on the shortlist for my favourite ever album, and hearing it played loud in it's complete state was awesome. I've not had the luck to see FFAF before, but I imagine they always play with tenacity and a huge sense of passion: they certainly did this time. They were alive, and the crowd responded, mirroring the passion and the shared revelry for the soon-to-depart Darran.
The night was a reminder that albums don't have to include those typical 'album filler' tracks - they can be created completely of single quality songs, it just takes time and talent. Each song was fantastic, there wasn't one moment when I thought it was a track they should have skipped.
It was a magical night: having the opportunity to hear live one of my most beloved albums was an incredible experience. Thank you Darran Smith, for being part of a band that left bruises round my heart, and left me begging for more.
From Nine To Five I Have To Spend My Time At Work
I handed my notice in today for my generic job in a generic team in a generic county council department. In truth I feel a bit mixed about it. I don't enjoy the job, trust me when I say I get absolutely no satisfaction from being stuck in an office all day charging people for their care - the care they need because they're sick, or old or dying. But it's a safe job. It's a job I know inside out and can do without a moments thought about what it is I'm doing. Also, up until this change of government, it was safe in terms that it's unlikely that charging for care will ever cease, and even if it does, then I'd get redeployed. Throughout all my training as a counsellor it's been my saftety blanket, I like that fact that it's something I'm very sure of and I'm very confident in my abilities of.
I've made amazing friends in my (almost) six years in my generic job. I've literally laughed until I've cried and cried until I've laughed with them. It's the people who are really what I'm going to miss. Some I'll keep in touch with for ever, others not so much. They're not people I'd usually necessarily cross paths with outside work. But I guess that's part of what makes work brilliant (or awful), you get to meet people who touch your lives in ways you never expect them to.
As of 31st August, I no longer have my safety blanket. Instead I have something better. I have my dream. For as long as I can remember, all I've wanted to do with my life is make a difference to somebody. To know that it's because of me that someone's life is a bit easier. Only now I've moved the goal posts. I don't want to do that for just one person. I want to do it for as many as I can. From September my working week will be solely comprised of living my dream and studying to continue developing my ability to live my dream as well as I possibly can.
So bring on the fear, the uncertainty, the self doubt, because I'm ready!
I've made amazing friends in my (almost) six years in my generic job. I've literally laughed until I've cried and cried until I've laughed with them. It's the people who are really what I'm going to miss. Some I'll keep in touch with for ever, others not so much. They're not people I'd usually necessarily cross paths with outside work. But I guess that's part of what makes work brilliant (or awful), you get to meet people who touch your lives in ways you never expect them to.
As of 31st August, I no longer have my safety blanket. Instead I have something better. I have my dream. For as long as I can remember, all I've wanted to do with my life is make a difference to somebody. To know that it's because of me that someone's life is a bit easier. Only now I've moved the goal posts. I don't want to do that for just one person. I want to do it for as many as I can. From September my working week will be solely comprised of living my dream and studying to continue developing my ability to live my dream as well as I possibly can.
So bring on the fear, the uncertainty, the self doubt, because I'm ready!
Five Is A Magic Number
I randomly got into a conversation of favourite ever albums the other day with Rob following a mutually held respect for Faith No More. For the last couple of days I've been musing over my favourite albums, or more specifically my top 5. I have had some difficulties creating this list though, not least because I own over 600 Cd's and would be lost without any one of them! The other reason being that I've literally thought too much about it. Should I go with my gut reactions and make my top 5 from the first five albums I think of? Should it be a top 5 based entirely on the musical content, or can I take into account (should I take into account) loving an album because of memories attached and feelings evoked? So I decided to just type, and whatever five I end up putting on here will be today's Top Five - they won't necessarily be yesterdays or tomorrows, but they work for here and now (not in any particular order though)....
1). Ixnay On The Hombre - The Offspring
I remember the first time I heard this album, I remember everything about that moment. I was in the IT room behind Mr Coombs's and opposite Mrs Aukland's at school - year ten, summer time, 3 computers down on the left side of the room and Jon sat to my right. Sun was shining in my eyes and couldn't properly see the album cover for the CD Jon was passing me earphones to listen to. You know that feeling you get from a truly amazing album - like you know your life will never be quite the same again? My skin tingles now thinking about it. Every moment of that album from The Disclaimer at the start to the very last chord is immense: there are no weak moments in this album, no fillers, no songs that wouldn't be missed if you skip them each time. It's a heady mix of comedy, heartbreak, dissatisfaction, acceptance and anarchy all wrapped up in some of the most intelligently produced punk to ever be exported from America's west side. If I think about this too much, I will start wavering and wondering if I should be putting Smash here instead. So I'm not thinking about it. Smash is awesome, but Ixnay just has my heart.
2). 03.07.2006 Beaulieu - The Who
It was my intention to not put albums here because of an event, but I can't not add this one to the list. It's a live recorded CD produced when The Who played in the remains of Beaulieu Abbey. It. Was. Incredible. I've grown up with The Who (not literally... man that would be awesome..), my Dad has always been a massive fan - quite likely to be the biggest fan in history to not actually don a Parker and have some kind of RAF insignia somewhere about his property! I remember being very young and asking him to explain the story of Tommy, and why if he was poorly his Mum would take him to an acid Queen - she doesn't sound like a proper doctor or anything. I digress. For me there's something in the music from that era that is so often missing in modern music - especially the mass-produced bollocks that saturates the charts these days. I guess it comes from how easy it is to churn out tracks that are commercially viable and acceptable, and don't have to be worked on for months to make them perfect because at the flick of a button they will be pitch or timing perfect. In those days, making a single really was a bit thing, and the charts meant something, these days this weeks top ten will be forgotten next week. I digress again. The point is, The Who created the kind of songs that span decades, they don't sound old or simplistic or outdated when listened to 40 years after they were written. And watching Pete Townsend windmilling in the abbey grounds with the sunsetting behind him is possibly the most transcendental moment of my life.
3). Generation Terrorists - Manic Street Preachers
Possibly a controversial choice here. For someone who was trying not to pick albums for memory reasons, I'm not doing a very good job, because this album is all about the end of my first year at Cardiff Uni. Or at least it was. Now it's something so much more than that. This album was the first of the 'pre-Ritchie disappearing' albums that I really connected with. So it deserves to be on the list if nothing more than because it meant I then fell totally in love with The Holy Bible, Gold Against The Soul and New Art Riot EP. I don't know if it's a genetic Welsh thing, but for me can feel the Welshness in this album - the sense of loss that so envelopes families from the South Wales valleys, the jaded look about the towns that have boarded up windows and cracked, fading paint on the sills of the boarded up windows. At the same time there's this punky anarchistic thread of the disaffected youth that I so identified with as a screwed up disillusioned, dissatisfied teenager. Being totally honest, it's a feeling I do still very much identify with, and in many ways don't want to ever lose. This album reminds me that - it reminds to not accept things as they are if I don't like them, to rage against the man and the machine, to fight for what I believe in. To fight for me.
Now I'm struggling, two spots left and many many albums that I want to fill them with. Going to have to do an 'ooh and also...' list at the end.
4). Pulp - Different Class
I've spent years ribbing Jenn for her love of all things indie. And I'm putting an indie album in my top 5. But when it's as good as Different Class I defy anyone to not put it in their top 5. It's a classy, polished, intelligently crafted album. It is the very essence of Brit-pop, for me more so than Oasis or Blur (both of which are likely to be getting honorable mentions later!). Listening to it, sounds like I'm listening to the late nineties. Like Ixnay, Different Class has no weak songs - each one is as deserving as the next to be on that album, and could have been released as a single to be very proud of. I love the story telling nature of this album, the lyrics create such vivid scenes and the music puts colour to them. Having said that though, there's still enough space to put your own interpretation to them, and therefore get that feeling that they're story-telling about your life. Plus, literally every time I hear F.E.E.L.I.N.G.CA.L.L.E.D.L.O.V.E. I am back at Reading Festival with them playing that song for about fifteen minutes, and every time it makes me melt.
5). Marilyn Manson - Antichrist Superstar
So no Top 5 list of mine would be complete with out a metal album in it. It was my first musical love, and will never fail to reach places other music just can't quite get to. I procrastinated for quite some time over which type of metal should get this coveted position, then which band, let alone which album. Given that I've already gone on for quite some time, I'm not going to write about the mental argument I had with myself on making this decision. Antichrist Superstar is just hands down a phenomenal piece of musical theatre. Take away all the bullshit you hear in the media about Marilyn Manson, and all the shock techniques he uses to keep all the idiots at a distance, and underneath it all is a creative genius. Forgive me for ignoring the other band members for a moment while I concentrate on the man himself. MM created a unique piece of musical history here, with the help and guidance of the astoundingly talented Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails fame. It's an album unlike anything else, it can (and has) made me cry, made me angry, made me feel less alone, and perhaps oddly has made me proud. I'm proud to say I looked beyond the defenses he puts out there, because this album is so worth looking for.
The 'ooh and also' list.....
Korn - Life Is Peachy
System Of A Down - System Of A Down
Stereophonics - Word Gets Around
Nirvana - pretty much everything they've done
Placebo - Without You I'm Nothing
Eminem - The Marsall Mathers LP
The Streets - Original Pirate Material
The Offspring - Smash
Metallica - Black Album
Metallica - Death Magnetic
Funeral For A Friend - Casually Dressed & Deep In Conversation
Live - A Distance To Here
Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine
Sex Pistols - Kiss This
Reef - Glow
Foo Fighters - The Colour & The Shape
Eels - Beautiful Freak
Manic Street Preachers - all the rest of their albums
I could go on.............
1). Ixnay On The Hombre - The Offspring
I remember the first time I heard this album, I remember everything about that moment. I was in the IT room behind Mr Coombs's and opposite Mrs Aukland's at school - year ten, summer time, 3 computers down on the left side of the room and Jon sat to my right. Sun was shining in my eyes and couldn't properly see the album cover for the CD Jon was passing me earphones to listen to. You know that feeling you get from a truly amazing album - like you know your life will never be quite the same again? My skin tingles now thinking about it. Every moment of that album from The Disclaimer at the start to the very last chord is immense: there are no weak moments in this album, no fillers, no songs that wouldn't be missed if you skip them each time. It's a heady mix of comedy, heartbreak, dissatisfaction, acceptance and anarchy all wrapped up in some of the most intelligently produced punk to ever be exported from America's west side. If I think about this too much, I will start wavering and wondering if I should be putting Smash here instead. So I'm not thinking about it. Smash is awesome, but Ixnay just has my heart.
2). 03.07.2006 Beaulieu - The Who
It was my intention to not put albums here because of an event, but I can't not add this one to the list. It's a live recorded CD produced when The Who played in the remains of Beaulieu Abbey. It. Was. Incredible. I've grown up with The Who (not literally... man that would be awesome..), my Dad has always been a massive fan - quite likely to be the biggest fan in history to not actually don a Parker and have some kind of RAF insignia somewhere about his property! I remember being very young and asking him to explain the story of Tommy, and why if he was poorly his Mum would take him to an acid Queen - she doesn't sound like a proper doctor or anything. I digress. For me there's something in the music from that era that is so often missing in modern music - especially the mass-produced bollocks that saturates the charts these days. I guess it comes from how easy it is to churn out tracks that are commercially viable and acceptable, and don't have to be worked on for months to make them perfect because at the flick of a button they will be pitch or timing perfect. In those days, making a single really was a bit thing, and the charts meant something, these days this weeks top ten will be forgotten next week. I digress again. The point is, The Who created the kind of songs that span decades, they don't sound old or simplistic or outdated when listened to 40 years after they were written. And watching Pete Townsend windmilling in the abbey grounds with the sunsetting behind him is possibly the most transcendental moment of my life.
3). Generation Terrorists - Manic Street Preachers
Possibly a controversial choice here. For someone who was trying not to pick albums for memory reasons, I'm not doing a very good job, because this album is all about the end of my first year at Cardiff Uni. Or at least it was. Now it's something so much more than that. This album was the first of the 'pre-Ritchie disappearing' albums that I really connected with. So it deserves to be on the list if nothing more than because it meant I then fell totally in love with The Holy Bible, Gold Against The Soul and New Art Riot EP. I don't know if it's a genetic Welsh thing, but for me can feel the Welshness in this album - the sense of loss that so envelopes families from the South Wales valleys, the jaded look about the towns that have boarded up windows and cracked, fading paint on the sills of the boarded up windows. At the same time there's this punky anarchistic thread of the disaffected youth that I so identified with as a screwed up disillusioned, dissatisfied teenager. Being totally honest, it's a feeling I do still very much identify with, and in many ways don't want to ever lose. This album reminds me that - it reminds to not accept things as they are if I don't like them, to rage against the man and the machine, to fight for what I believe in. To fight for me.
Now I'm struggling, two spots left and many many albums that I want to fill them with. Going to have to do an 'ooh and also...' list at the end.
4). Pulp - Different Class
I've spent years ribbing Jenn for her love of all things indie. And I'm putting an indie album in my top 5. But when it's as good as Different Class I defy anyone to not put it in their top 5. It's a classy, polished, intelligently crafted album. It is the very essence of Brit-pop, for me more so than Oasis or Blur (both of which are likely to be getting honorable mentions later!). Listening to it, sounds like I'm listening to the late nineties. Like Ixnay, Different Class has no weak songs - each one is as deserving as the next to be on that album, and could have been released as a single to be very proud of. I love the story telling nature of this album, the lyrics create such vivid scenes and the music puts colour to them. Having said that though, there's still enough space to put your own interpretation to them, and therefore get that feeling that they're story-telling about your life. Plus, literally every time I hear F.E.E.L.I.N.G.CA.L.L.E.D.L.O.V.E. I am back at Reading Festival with them playing that song for about fifteen minutes, and every time it makes me melt.
5). Marilyn Manson - Antichrist Superstar
So no Top 5 list of mine would be complete with out a metal album in it. It was my first musical love, and will never fail to reach places other music just can't quite get to. I procrastinated for quite some time over which type of metal should get this coveted position, then which band, let alone which album. Given that I've already gone on for quite some time, I'm not going to write about the mental argument I had with myself on making this decision. Antichrist Superstar is just hands down a phenomenal piece of musical theatre. Take away all the bullshit you hear in the media about Marilyn Manson, and all the shock techniques he uses to keep all the idiots at a distance, and underneath it all is a creative genius. Forgive me for ignoring the other band members for a moment while I concentrate on the man himself. MM created a unique piece of musical history here, with the help and guidance of the astoundingly talented Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails fame. It's an album unlike anything else, it can (and has) made me cry, made me angry, made me feel less alone, and perhaps oddly has made me proud. I'm proud to say I looked beyond the defenses he puts out there, because this album is so worth looking for.
The 'ooh and also' list.....
Korn - Life Is Peachy
System Of A Down - System Of A Down
Stereophonics - Word Gets Around
Nirvana - pretty much everything they've done
Placebo - Without You I'm Nothing
Eminem - The Marsall Mathers LP
The Streets - Original Pirate Material
The Offspring - Smash
Metallica - Black Album
Metallica - Death Magnetic
Funeral For A Friend - Casually Dressed & Deep In Conversation
Live - A Distance To Here
Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine
Sex Pistols - Kiss This
Reef - Glow
Foo Fighters - The Colour & The Shape
Eels - Beautiful Freak
Manic Street Preachers - all the rest of their albums
I could go on.............
This Note Is Marked Return To Sender
I usually have a few books on the go, I like to be able to pick up a book to suit my mood. At the moment I'm reading:
The last on the list has inspired this blog entry. It's a collection of letters that various famous people have written to their sixteen year old selves (as the title suggested!). It got me thinking about what I'd put in a letter to my sixteen year old self. Some of them in the book wrote about what happens in their future, but for me that's cheating, I wouldn't want to know what happens in my life before I live it. Others were written as a warning, some reflective on them at that time of their lives, some were advisory. Many of them are bittersweet - funny with a hint of wistfulness for a time long gone and that essence of everything that goes into the makeup of a sixteen year old psyche and view on life.
So this is my attempt at a letter to my sixteen year old self....
Dear Me
Hiya! You'll have noticed that I haven't called you a name. That's because your name is a bit of an issue for you at the moment, and I'm not sure which vernacular I should be using to write to myself... friendly, family, authoritative... and I don't want to offend this early into your letter!
You'll also notice that I'm (we're??) still using a lot of punctuation (possibly too much, but if that's the worst criticism someone can pin to my door then I'd say I'm doing pretty well). I like to think it adds character to things :)
I know that you understand a sideways smiley face (I believe they're called 'emoticons') after having spent aaaages trying to decipher it in a text from CB. If that hasn't happened yet, then just to clarify, you'll meet a great lad with those initials and you'll get your own mobile telephone that has this application that means you can text other people on their mobiles - kind of like paging but two way.
I digress... So I know you're going through a hard time at the moment, I'm not going to tell you how things with your Dad pan out or what happens with the whole self harm thing. That's a path for you to figure out on your own, but I will tell you I'm not writing this from inside an institution or from beyond the grave so hold onto the knowledge that things get easier for you.
One thing I will say though is to cherish every moment you can with Gran. Listen to her stories about Grandad and their lives. Ask those questions about her early life - those ones that will paint a picture of her so much beyond the image of her as your grandmother. And in Grandma's lucid moments, do the same with her. There's so much they can tell you, and you'll wish you could have learnt from them. By now it's already too late to do that with both Grandad's and Great Gran, so make the most of them.
Keep loving music, it paints the colour of your life so make sure it's present in every part of it. Stay true to who you are, even though I know right now you don't have much a clue of who that is. Oh, and in the Easter holidays in your second year at college you'll go to a party at IY's - kiss SO, you'll always regret not kissing him. Trust me!
That brings me to my last pearl of wisdom: don't let your insecurities and paranoia get the better of you, it's the things you don't do that you'll regret the most.
Oh, and just a sneak preview - by the time you're 28 you'll have dyed your hair pinker than flamingos and had a ring pierced through your nipple....
Take care of yourself (myself??)
Me xxx
- Dead Until Dark - Charlane Harris
- Auschwitz: The Nazi's And The Final Solution - Laurence Rees
- Beyond Fear & Control: Working with Young People Who Self Harm - Helen Spandler & Sam Warner
- Dear Me: A Letter to My Sixteen-Year-Old Self - Joseph Galliano
The last on the list has inspired this blog entry. It's a collection of letters that various famous people have written to their sixteen year old selves (as the title suggested!). It got me thinking about what I'd put in a letter to my sixteen year old self. Some of them in the book wrote about what happens in their future, but for me that's cheating, I wouldn't want to know what happens in my life before I live it. Others were written as a warning, some reflective on them at that time of their lives, some were advisory. Many of them are bittersweet - funny with a hint of wistfulness for a time long gone and that essence of everything that goes into the makeup of a sixteen year old psyche and view on life.
So this is my attempt at a letter to my sixteen year old self....
Hiya! You'll have noticed that I haven't called you a name. That's because your name is a bit of an issue for you at the moment, and I'm not sure which vernacular I should be using to write to myself... friendly, family, authoritative... and I don't want to offend this early into your letter!
You'll also notice that I'm (we're??) still using a lot of punctuation (possibly too much, but if that's the worst criticism someone can pin to my door then I'd say I'm doing pretty well). I like to think it adds character to things :)
I know that you understand a sideways smiley face (I believe they're called 'emoticons') after having spent aaaages trying to decipher it in a text from CB. If that hasn't happened yet, then just to clarify, you'll meet a great lad with those initials and you'll get your own mobile telephone that has this application that means you can text other people on their mobiles - kind of like paging but two way.
I digress... So I know you're going through a hard time at the moment, I'm not going to tell you how things with your Dad pan out or what happens with the whole self harm thing. That's a path for you to figure out on your own, but I will tell you I'm not writing this from inside an institution or from beyond the grave so hold onto the knowledge that things get easier for you.
One thing I will say though is to cherish every moment you can with Gran. Listen to her stories about Grandad and their lives. Ask those questions about her early life - those ones that will paint a picture of her so much beyond the image of her as your grandmother. And in Grandma's lucid moments, do the same with her. There's so much they can tell you, and you'll wish you could have learnt from them. By now it's already too late to do that with both Grandad's and Great Gran, so make the most of them.
Keep loving music, it paints the colour of your life so make sure it's present in every part of it. Stay true to who you are, even though I know right now you don't have much a clue of who that is. Oh, and in the Easter holidays in your second year at college you'll go to a party at IY's - kiss SO, you'll always regret not kissing him. Trust me!
That brings me to my last pearl of wisdom: don't let your insecurities and paranoia get the better of you, it's the things you don't do that you'll regret the most.
Oh, and just a sneak preview - by the time you're 28 you'll have dyed your hair pinker than flamingos and had a ring pierced through your nipple....
Take care of yourself (myself??)
Me xxx
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