I felt the need to write a blog today given that I won't be able to do another one on this date for 4 years!
So 'they' have now decided that anti-depressants are pretty much ineffectual, and people are just as well off taking placebo's. I beg to differ. If it is only the fact that they are taking a pill (and the content of the pill makes no difference) then why is it that it has negative affects on the person taking it too? Surely if it is all a cognitive response to believing you are taking a pill to make yourself better, then you wouldn't create negative reactions as well?
I don't see it as a bad thing that someone takes a pill which makes no difference to them physically if it helps them to access part of their mental self that they couldn't reach on their own.
That's not to say I think anti-depressants are the best thing to use to help with depression. In my opinion, nobody should be on medication without having at least tried counselling, or some other kind of therapy. They can be seen as an easy route out of depression, without having to disturb the waters by going to counselling. The trouble is though, they do make the lows easier to cope with but they take the shine out of the highs too. A bi-polar patient described it well on Holby City recently. She had stopped taking her Lithium and on being asked why, she said it was because she missed the sun shining and the brightness of the world when she was on a high.
Surely it's worth disturbing those waters and causing a few ripples to be able to live a life where you can handle the lows when you need to, and can embrace those highs?
To bring it back to the anti-depressants, if they are a necessary aid along the way then fair enough, use them (regardless of whether or not they technically do work). I know people who would not be here today if it weren't for those pills. They needed something to help them and fast. Those pills kept them alive long enough to be able to get the therapy they needed.
Pride
I wanted to write about my list of things to do now I've turned 26, but I was thinking about the six nations matches this weekend and decided to write about pride instead.
As a child of mixed nationality, I could have chosen to place my heart and my loyalty in England or in Wales. Given that I was born in England, and have only lived 3 of my twenty six (eugh) years in Wales, it would make sense for me to have picked the land of roses and roast dinners. Instead, I sided with the leaks and the dragons. When describing a person of Welsh heritage, you would use the phrase "they are Welsh" as part of that description. People understand what that means. It evokes the image of a beer swilling, rugby loving, generally short person who has everything Welsh running through their veins and would happily lay down their lives for their country such is their love for it. They defend their country and their culture to the end of their days, and I love that about them. They never lose faith in their beloved rugby team and feel a personal loss when or if they are knocked out of a competition. I'm just now able to talk about the Wales v Fiji world cup match without having a lump in my throat!
Then there's England. The English have a lot to be proud about. For some reason though, they don't show this pride. Instead, my experience has been more that they apologise for being English. Show a bit of backbone people! Don't let the fact that other nations pick on you make you believe the press! England is a great country; it's got a fantastic history, a brilliantly diverse culture. Some of the brightest minds and most creative people alive or dead have been from this little country. So be strong, be proud and hold your head up for England!
Maybe then people would stop laughing at you and start having a bit of respect.
As a child of mixed nationality, I could have chosen to place my heart and my loyalty in England or in Wales. Given that I was born in England, and have only lived 3 of my twenty six (eugh) years in Wales, it would make sense for me to have picked the land of roses and roast dinners. Instead, I sided with the leaks and the dragons. When describing a person of Welsh heritage, you would use the phrase "they are Welsh" as part of that description. People understand what that means. It evokes the image of a beer swilling, rugby loving, generally short person who has everything Welsh running through their veins and would happily lay down their lives for their country such is their love for it. They defend their country and their culture to the end of their days, and I love that about them. They never lose faith in their beloved rugby team and feel a personal loss when or if they are knocked out of a competition. I'm just now able to talk about the Wales v Fiji world cup match without having a lump in my throat!
Then there's England. The English have a lot to be proud about. For some reason though, they don't show this pride. Instead, my experience has been more that they apologise for being English. Show a bit of backbone people! Don't let the fact that other nations pick on you make you believe the press! England is a great country; it's got a fantastic history, a brilliantly diverse culture. Some of the brightest minds and most creative people alive or dead have been from this little country. So be strong, be proud and hold your head up for England!
Maybe then people would stop laughing at you and start having a bit of respect.
Getting My Dreams Come True
It's a funny feeling, when something you've wanted for so very long finally comes true. I keep metaphorically pinching myself that it has really happened. I feel like I want to play it down, like I do whenever I excel at things. I don't like the attention or the praise that comes with it. Truth be told, I don't think I'm worthy of the praise so feel very uncomfortable when I get it. I tend to shrug it off and say it's not a big deal instead. I am aware that this can come across as arrogance though, or seeking admiration from people, but honestly it's not that.
This time though, I'm trying something different. I'm trying instead to enjoy the congratulations people are giving me. It goes against the grain, and feels uncomfortable, but I'm proud of myself so I'm going to persevere!
Yesterday I had my first counselling client. My first counselling course began in September 2003. Since then I've done 3 counselling courses, one Psychology a-level, an NVQ in Youth work and am a year into my counselling diploma. I've waited patiently to be old enough to embark on the diploma. I've survived on a part time salary, put myself through a year of uni and kept up my mortgage repayments. In amongst all that I've also done around 1,000 hours of voluntary youth work. On that basis I am indeed going to be very chuffed with myself that I've made it to my first client, and accept all the praise that comes my way!
This time though, I'm trying something different. I'm trying instead to enjoy the congratulations people are giving me. It goes against the grain, and feels uncomfortable, but I'm proud of myself so I'm going to persevere!
Yesterday I had my first counselling client. My first counselling course began in September 2003. Since then I've done 3 counselling courses, one Psychology a-level, an NVQ in Youth work and am a year into my counselling diploma. I've waited patiently to be old enough to embark on the diploma. I've survived on a part time salary, put myself through a year of uni and kept up my mortgage repayments. In amongst all that I've also done around 1,000 hours of voluntary youth work. On that basis I am indeed going to be very chuffed with myself that I've made it to my first client, and accept all the praise that comes my way!
Wedding Belle
My best friend Jennifer is marrying one of my favourite people, Christopher. I couldn't imagine anything better, two people who I love to pieces are marrying eachother. I like to think it's thanks to me that they're together since it was through me they met!
The thought of marriage terrifies me. Maybe because I'm not in a relationship and haven't been in one where I could imagine spending my life with them. Maybe it's because I still feel very young. The idea of Chris getting married sits fine with me - perhaps it's because I've known him since we were 18 and so I think of him in quite an adult way. With Jenn though it's taken some getting used to! It's different; I've grown up with her. Not in a 'since we were knee-high to grasshopper way'; we have been friends since we were about 13 so I mean we grew up together emotionally. Sometimes I think if it weren't for Jenn I never would have made it this far.
The thought of Jenn and Chris marrying though feels so right. They just seem to fit together despite (or maybe because of) all their differences. I thought with the advent of my best friend getting married I would be sad that I was losing something. Other than a brief wobble though, I can honestly say I've not felt that way. Jenn is still Jenn, and Chris is still Chris as well as being part of 'them' That's what I think makes them work.
The thought of marriage terrifies me. Maybe because I'm not in a relationship and haven't been in one where I could imagine spending my life with them. Maybe it's because I still feel very young. The idea of Chris getting married sits fine with me - perhaps it's because I've known him since we were 18 and so I think of him in quite an adult way. With Jenn though it's taken some getting used to! It's different; I've grown up with her. Not in a 'since we were knee-high to grasshopper way'; we have been friends since we were about 13 so I mean we grew up together emotionally. Sometimes I think if it weren't for Jenn I never would have made it this far.
The thought of Jenn and Chris marrying though feels so right. They just seem to fit together despite (or maybe because of) all their differences. I thought with the advent of my best friend getting married I would be sad that I was losing something. Other than a brief wobble though, I can honestly say I've not felt that way. Jenn is still Jenn, and Chris is still Chris as well as being part of 'them' That's what I think makes them work.
Bored of Fair Oak
It's 3:04 pm and I am currently sat at my desk in work willing the time to pass. I have been here since 8.15 am and cannot leave for another 116 minutes. Or 6,960 seconds. I have been rosta-ed onto possibly the most boring job you can have in this office and have exhausted pretty much every website I can think of to look at. Funniest part of this though is that I do the rota's each week - I am solely to blame for my extreme boredom today! I have planned six holidays, checked out literally dozens of laptops, chosen several pairs of Laboutin shoes that I might wear to Jenn's wedding. I have spent so many hours staring at my privacy bored that I could tell you exactly where everything is to the nearest millimetre.
I like privacy boards, they tell you alot about a person I think. I share my desk, so I like somewhat like a schizophrenic. On my little section though I have a magazine picture of Shane Williams (Wales and Ospreys winger) (http://www.sporting-heroes.net/rugby-heroes/displayhero.asp?HeroID=2143 - not a good picture though), a postcard of the stained glass window in the Forest of Dean (http://www.forestofdean-sculpture.org.uk/sculptures/current/cathedral/), a note from a much missed colleague, and a photo of my friends Carly, Caz, Carl, Jenn and Luce. Ooh and also a specially made picture of me and Sean Bean on our wedding day! I don't know what that says about me, other than that on my work notice board I have absolutely nothing to do with work on it! I think if they are covered in stuff it tends to suggest you like your creature comforts to soften the fact that you're at work, or that you've been there so long you've resigned yourself to a life there and may as well make it a bit nicer. Nothing on a board I reckon means you're refusing to make yourself comfortable and encourage you to move on. Either that, or you're a dull person. If I've now offended people, I am sorry.
So it's now 3.30pm and I've wasted 26 minutes writing about privacy boards....
I like privacy boards, they tell you alot about a person I think. I share my desk, so I like somewhat like a schizophrenic. On my little section though I have a magazine picture of Shane Williams (Wales and Ospreys winger) (http://www.sporting-heroes.net/rugby-heroes/displayhero.asp?HeroID=2143 - not a good picture though), a postcard of the stained glass window in the Forest of Dean (http://www.forestofdean-sculpture.org.uk/sculptures/current/cathedral/), a note from a much missed colleague, and a photo of my friends Carly, Caz, Carl, Jenn and Luce. Ooh and also a specially made picture of me and Sean Bean on our wedding day! I don't know what that says about me, other than that on my work notice board I have absolutely nothing to do with work on it! I think if they are covered in stuff it tends to suggest you like your creature comforts to soften the fact that you're at work, or that you've been there so long you've resigned yourself to a life there and may as well make it a bit nicer. Nothing on a board I reckon means you're refusing to make yourself comfortable and encourage you to move on. Either that, or you're a dull person. If I've now offended people, I am sorry.
So it's now 3.30pm and I've wasted 26 minutes writing about privacy boards....
Frustrated
I get a point every year, usually around now, when I get frustrated and fed up with my life. I am in that headspace now. I am for the most part happy with my life when I break it down and look at it rationally. But right now I'm not in the mood for thinking rationally, I have had to be very grown up for the last three weeks, and what I really want is to kick back and have a tantrum! I want to be impulsive and do something fun and a bit off the wall. I tried to be impulsive yesterday and get a tattoo done on the way to college, but didn't because it was raining. How dull and grown up is that?!
I would love to break away from everything that shackles me into this normal, boring and adult existence. I want to not have to worry about a severe lack of money, or paying my mortgage, or my sensible but dull job, or my college essays. I want to have some fun!
Any suggestions would be very welcome!
I would love to break away from everything that shackles me into this normal, boring and adult existence. I want to not have to worry about a severe lack of money, or paying my mortgage, or my sensible but dull job, or my college essays. I want to have some fun!
Any suggestions would be very welcome!
Teenage Dirtbag
A lovely friend of mine bought me the '40 Years of Radio One' cd for Christmas which has hardly been off my cd player since I got it. The Gossip version of Careless Whisper is brilliant, as is Hard-fi's rendition of Britney classic Toxic. They have both taken very distinctive songs and made them their own - and in the case of the latter at least, far far better then the original. Plus, I adore Beth Ditto, so anything she does I think I'm predisposed to love anyway!
Perhaps my favourite cover on the album though came as somewhat of a surprise to me; it's Girls Aloud doing Teenage Dirtbag. Girls Aloud do have a special place in my heart - everyone needs a good girly singalong from time to time! And for nostalgic reasons Teenage Dirtbag always has a special place in my heart. But Girls Aloud covering Teenage Dirtbag? It works bloody well! There's one bit when one of the girls shouts the line "why don't you give a damn about me?". I like to think this is Sarah Harding - I think she's the trashiest of the girls and I love her for it. She also seems like the one most likely to atucally have a clue who Iron Maiden actually! I only really have one gripe about this version of Teenage Dirtbag, and this is because they change the gender of the 'dirtbag' from female to male. What would have been so wrong with Girls Aloud singing about their affection for a girl?
Perhaps my favourite cover on the album though came as somewhat of a surprise to me; it's Girls Aloud doing Teenage Dirtbag. Girls Aloud do have a special place in my heart - everyone needs a good girly singalong from time to time! And for nostalgic reasons Teenage Dirtbag always has a special place in my heart. But Girls Aloud covering Teenage Dirtbag? It works bloody well! There's one bit when one of the girls shouts the line "why don't you give a damn about me?". I like to think this is Sarah Harding - I think she's the trashiest of the girls and I love her for it. She also seems like the one most likely to atucally have a clue who Iron Maiden actually! I only really have one gripe about this version of Teenage Dirtbag, and this is because they change the gender of the 'dirtbag' from female to male. What would have been so wrong with Girls Aloud singing about their affection for a girl?
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