I'm Your Pain When You Can't Feel

It's been 18 days since Gran died. We've had the funeral, cremation and interred the ashes. The official mourning time is now over and it's that point where you have to return to reality whether you feel ready to or not. I feel like the world continued while I was absent from it, but is for all intents and purposes exactly the same as it was 19 days ago. Only I've been away and come back entirely changed. I don't know where I quite fit in the world now. Part of my regular routine was to ring Gran every couple of weeks at least, and to visit her monthly. Despite the amount she drove me mad, I was actually very close to her. I enjoyed going up to see her; Mum used to tell me I didn't have to go with them, that Gran knew I had a busy life. I wanted to though. I wanted to spend time with her. I still want to spend time with her, I want to call her up and talk about whatever crap we used to talk about. I want to continue my routine I had 19 days ago but I can't.
She was my last living grandparent. I've been blessed with knowing them all and having a Great Gran until I was 14. Although my Grandma was alive until I was 18, she was sick for many years and Alzheimers took her long before she actually died. So Gran was the only grandparent who saw me finish school. She was the person I called first when I got my GCSEs, A-Levels, degree, diploma - any achievement really. I know peoples reaction is that I can still tell her these things, that she will be listening and watching. But that's not enough even in the same ball park is it?
I hate being jealous of friends or colleagues, but at work the other day one of the girls was talking about her Nan. I was nearly in tears with jealousy that she had a Nan left to visit. Knowing I no longer have grandparents is horrid. Of course I've thought over the years about Gran dying, but I never really realised that when she died it would mean that it meant the end of grandparents for me. It's an incredible extra layer of sadness on top of the pain and sorrow I am carrying from Gran's death.