I feel like a stuck record. I finished working on my dissertation at 2.45 this morning, and am set to get up in not many hours to start on the next chapter of it. What I really need right now is to off load about this hideously overwhelming feeling of anxiety and fright that feels like it's enveloping my life. I tried to with my parents earlier, but instead, blinked back the tears, smiled and agreed with the comments my Mum was making that were designed to 'gee me along' and kindly meant. Kindly meant but entirely ineffectual.
I think people are probably very bored of hearing about this stupid dissertation (well, this year of uni as a whole really), and I don't expect them to have to put up with hearing about it anymore. So I've not tweeted or altered my FB status to indicate another nights exhaustion, anxiety, frustration (etc etc). Nothing changes, so why bother? Tomorrow will be the same as today.
Yes, I know it's all over in 19 days, but really, knowing that doesn't help right now. It terrifies me.
2 comments:
*sigh* I'm not sure what I can add that won't sound empty (or patronising), but I had the same dread for the last couple of months of my dissertation, particularly in my case once I got past the denial that I actually had to write the bloody thing and it wasn't going to somehow "be alright in the end" if I kept ignoring it. My parents had the "well you know what you've got to do son" attitude, (and they were supportive) but they didn't offer to help proof read it or anything in the end.
For those two months I lived a cycle of wake up, worry about dissertation, go to work, come home from work, eat something quick and unhealthy (while worrying about dissertation), stare at dissertation for 6 hours, sleep, repeat...
Anyway, I'm not sure where this is going, but you will get there, you aren't alone (despite that horrible feeling when you look over at the clock and its 1:27 AM and you still have an hour of work to do) and I promise you, the feeling of relief when it is handed in, is right up there with all the best times of your life.
Don't be terrified of the next 19 days, you'll get it sorted... live for day 20 :)
That didn't sound empty or patronising, thank you. Whilst I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone, it is nice to know someone else understands that feeling without me having to try and explain it.
Thank you, for saying nice things & having faith! xx
Post a Comment