I have some friends and acquaintances who, through no fault of their own, make me feel very inadequate and stupid. They talk in sentences which sound like something from Dawson’s Creek. It’s not in a patronising ‘look how clever I am and the words that I use in everyday life’ kind of way. It’s just that they are clever people who speak well and love words. I find myself constructing sentences to send to them (I largely talk to them on the internet) and reworking it until I am satisfied with the level of language I am using. I love words too. It’s not that I don’t like to use these words because I do. I use them all the time when writing essays, or poems, or portfolio work. Maybe it’s because for the mostpart of my week I am either with young people and tend to speak their language instead, or am counselling orientated and have to pick my words very precisely.
It’s another mask for me to wear. It’s another attempt to ignore the real me and be the person I feel I should be. These people, who inadvertently make me feel inadequate and stupid either probably do not really care how I speak because they love me ‘warts and all’ (as the unbearable Oliver Cromwell once said). Or if they do judge me on not being able to craft a sentence so eloquently as them – well I don’t want them to be my friend.
They probably are not even aware that they speak this way, and that I get in such a knot over it anyway – that’s the irony of it all!
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