Gran got out of bed today for the first time since her stroke. She's brighter in herself - you can actually talk to her now, and she is awake more. She's not good though, she had shit on her nightie and onto the sofa after mum helped her to get to the toilet (she's far too proud to let anyone help her whilst she's in the toilet). I'm hiding in the study and crying for what feels like the millionth time in 3 days.
I was useless when it came to helping with my Grandma when she was ill, and I hated myself for it. I always thought it was because I was young and stuff, and now I'm an adult I would be really helpful for Mum should anything ever happen to Gran. Turns out I'm not though. I want to help my Mum, to support her and make this awful thing a bit easier for her. The truth is though, I can't bear to be around Gran. I can't cope with this and fuck knows how long it's going to go on like this for.
2 comments:
Ally Ally Ally …. Please don’t feel bad…………
I hope you don’t mind me commenting to your post.
You’re not supposed to be able to cope with a much loved Grandma in this way. In stroke terms it’s still very early days. It’s horrible to watch someone you love fall apart, and not be able to cope with personal things.Take it from someone with experience.It’s hard enough for us oldies to help our parents out in this way and you almost have to emotionally detach yourself when it comes to clearing up after them, like they did for us when we were young babies. That’s not your job. I’m sure your Mum doesn’t expect you to have to clean up after your Grandma. I'm sure you help your mum in other ways.Emotionally being there for her or even if it’s just doing some shopping or preparing a meal. From what Jenn’s told me it doesn’t sound like you as a family have had much help from the professionals, Maybe you’ve already thought of this but it might be worth seeing if you can get carers in a couple of times a day even if it’s only short term. You and your family should feel very proud of yourselves, not many people are prepared to care for their elderly relatives at home. Take any help if it's offered to you and your family. With time your Grandma will improve (they told my Mum who’s nearly 88 she can still improve up to eight months after the stroke.) and although she’ll probably never get back to how she was, this is the worst bit. Is she having any physio yet? That helped my Mum a lot. Hang on in there, your Grandma's still got a lot of love to give, but don’t feel bad if you just want to get out and not be around her. It will get better with time. Just remember all the good times you've all spent together.I'm sending you a big hug down the internet thingy
Love Pam (Chris Taylor’s Mum) x
Pam has got it so right Ally, you must not be hard on yourself. Just do what you can do such as supporting your mum; you are there and you obviously care; trust me this is more than enough.
Omars mum x
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