I was watching 90210 (don't judge me!) earlier, and it was the episode where Teddy gets forced into coming out to his friends. A few weeks ago my manager suggested having a session at the LGBT group I run about coming out stories. Only it's not a one time thing - it's an every time you meet a new person thing, an every time you go to the doctors thing, an every time someone asks if you've got a boyfriend or girlfriend thing. You are constantly assessing and coming out for the whole of your life, and trust me, it gets tiring.
I've written before about being bisexual, and all the preconceptions that I come up against each time I make the decision to come out, so won't be repeating myself. Instead, this blog is about a couple of my coming out stories.
The first person I came out to was a lad who I had a complex and beautifully horrid relationship with. He was lovely. Well, actually, he was typically 18 and asked if he could get involved in a bit of girl on girl action (he's not been the last to ask that either... one track mind men...). But he was accepting and happy to just know me more. Cushioned by this reaction, I decided to tell a friend with whom I had an intense and safe friendship - we'd been pretty inseparable prior to me moving to Cardiff. Unfortunately his response was less than accepting, and definitely less of a response worthy of the pedestal I'd put him on. It was along the lines of "I can accept it, but I will never be able to forgive you for it". 'Ouch' doesn't really cut it.
I don't really remember specifically telling my best friend - she can correct me if I'm wrong on this one. I do imagine that she probably knew before I did though! I got a lot of my friends together from home and told them in a grand announcement - they seemed particularly underwhelmed. Not in an uninterested kind of way, but in a 'that makes completely no difference to who you are and how we care' kind of a way. After the response on the phone with my other friend, I couldn't have asked for a better reaction really.
The one thing I feel ashamed about is that I've never come out to my parents. To start with I used to say it was because I figured there was no point in telling them unless I got into a relationship with a girl. And to an extent I still think that. But increasingly, I feel like I should tell them because I'm hiding part of myself from them. It's turned around over the years to be about a need for me rather than an information sharing exercise for them. Which I guess is indicative of the fact that my head is in a different space to a few years ago.
No comments:
Post a Comment