Breaking The Silence

Okay, so here goes. The truth is blogs scare me. I don't quite understand the point of them, but for some reason feel compelled to have one! So that's me: one big mess of contradictions. I also don't know the etiquette around what should be said in your first posting so am likely to get it wrong somewhere along the way. Right this moment I am at work. I have a generic job title and work a generic job. I could be in pretty much any County Council Office across the UK and wouldn't be out of place. On a good day it's dull. On a bad day it's unbearable. I have fulfilled the biggest fear I had as idealist sixth form student and become one of the grey suited masses who murge into an abyss of polyester nothingness. So in an attempt to make a mark on the world I am also a Youth Worker. For those nine hours a week I feel alive, I feel like I have a purpose and that I genuinely matter to this world. Life at the moment is pretty tough. Which, I guess, is probably why I felt the need to write this now. I don't know where to start with that though. So there's another contradiction for you: I feel I need to write it down, but can't manage it at the moment. Laying myself out there scares me. Keeping it in though and feeling like this forever scares me too.