Those words, the ones in the title of todays blog have been said to me twice in a fortnight. They're right too, life really shouldn't have to be this hard. My tutor said to me today that if life is that hard then you need to stop and look at what's causing it. Because life shouldn't always be like you're pushing a barrell up a hill where either you die from exhaustion if you keep pushing, or if you stop for a rest it wipes you out as it plummets back down the hill. Either way you end up screwed.
I love to people watch. Not in a pervy way but a curious way. I make up stories in my head of what there lives may be like. Inevitably they're rose tinted spectacle type lives where they have the perfect job, and the perfect home with the perfect partner and the perfect family support behind them. And of course the perfect bank account! Nothing is grimy in their worlds; nothing upsets them and they never feel unfullfilled by what life deals them. Lucky bastards. Or are they? Because if they never feel pain and a complete overwhelming feeling of dissatisfaction with life, are they ever really compelled to get out of their little box of comfort and shake the world up a bit? To make this place better, or to open peoples eyes to what's really going on?
If you do feel this pain though and the sense that nothing is quite enough, and that you can never quite reach happiness (by you, I mean me) will life ever stop being this hard? I long for a life where I feel satisfied and comfortable, and overall I feel trully happy. But I'm terrified of that too. Of a life where I don't push for something better, or to make someones pain slightly easier. I'm scared that if I let go of my pain that I won't recognise myself any more and that I will become one of them. One of those people who settle for second best and an easy life.
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